quickmelt1207 (quickmelt1207) wrote in poly_grrls,

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my past...

      I saw him again; Paul my ex husband  because its our sons 3rd birthday today.Well I dont have feelings left for him. I just cant help but remember everything everytime I see him.

      Many of the people in my circle cannot understand why I decided to end a five-year relationship with Paul. I have not bothered to explain because everyone pities him and I have been called a heart-breaker and 2 timing bitch. It is as if I have suddenly turned into a source of entertainment with everyone adding a little juicy gossip.

      I do not blame other people for sympathizing with him. My girl friends find him charming. He possesses that one trait many girls find irresistible in a man; a nice sense of humor. My family thinks he is very thoughtful.

      And he was all that and more. There was a time in our relationship when I'd look at him and think I got much more that what I deserved. Later, I realized I was not mistaken. He gave me a whole lot more that I could possibly deserve.

      People we both know think I broke up with him out of boredom. He was my highschool classmate, my prom date, my debut escort and my college dormmate.

     Boredom? Ofcourse I got bored with seeing him temper flare up whenever we argued about something. I got bored with wearing long-sleeved blouses under the heat of the sun to hide bruises  on my arms. I got bored with lying to people when they asked where I got a cut or a bruises on my face. I got bored talking to myself while crying. I got bored with hearing him say Im sorry so many times.

      He did not beat me up during the whole 5 years we were on. It took 3 years before the monster in him took over, and that was after we got married.

      He also didnt hurt for the whole 9 months that I was pregnant with our son. He promised not to do it again but the almost 1 year of our married life were just broken promises. I received the worst birthday present in the form of a slap. I became familiar with the salty taste of blood in my mouth. I saw the world spin while my head hit the wall in a slow, rhytmic motion. I tasted shampoo in my mouth and frothed like a mad dog.

     I cannot forget that fateful night which made me realize to walk away from him forever. I had told him that I needed some space to sort my confused feelings. What came next was the sharp sensation of a fist slamming to my upper arm and face. Every trace of my tender feelings toward him vanished in an instant. My anger burst in a river of fears. I was confused no more.

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