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Ladies, Women, and Grrls

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Looking for Interviews with Polyamorous Women [03 Oct 2010|09:15pm]
 Have you been or are you currently in a consensual relationship with more than one partner, where all partners know about each other? Would you describe yourself or your relationship as polyamorous?

I am looking to interview women between the ages of 18-35 about their experiences in polyamorous relationships. I am especially interested in women from diverse race/ethnicities, social class backgrounds, and sexual identities. Participants must be currently living in the U.S. Interviews can be conducted in-person (if local to San Diego, California) or via e-mail.

All in-person interviewees will receive a $15 gift certificate to either Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble. E-mail participants will be entered into a lottery to win one of five $15 gift certificates to either Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble.

This is a research study being conducted as part of a Master’s thesis through San Diego State University. Your participation would be voluntary. You will be asked questions about your experiences with polyamory and its role in your life.

If interested, please contact Sarah Wheeler at swheeler@rohan.sdsu.edu with a short description about yourself (age, race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, etc.) and your current or most recent polyamorous relationship. Please also indicate whether you would like to participate via e-mail or in-person interview. Thank you for your interest!


(Mods, please let me know if this type of posting isn't allowed--I read the community rules and didn't see anything about research inquiries, but I certainly don't want to annoy anyone!)
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my past... [01 Feb 2008|06:06am]

[ mood | disappointed ]

      I saw him again; Paul my ex husband  because its our sons 3rd birthday today.Well I dont have feelings left for him. I just cant help but remember everything everytime I see him.

      Many of the people in my circle cannot understand why I decided to end a five-year relationship with Paul. I have not bothered to explain because everyone pities him and I have been called a heart-breaker and 2 timing bitch. It is as if I have suddenly turned into a source of entertainment with everyone adding a little juicy gossip.

      I do not blame other people for sympathizing with him. My girl friends find him charming. He possesses that one trait many girls find irresistible in a man; a nice sense of humor. My family thinks he is very thoughtful.

      And he was all that and more. There was a time in our relationship when I'd look at him and think I got much more that what I deserved. Later, I realized I was not mistaken. He gave me a whole lot more that I could possibly deserve.

      People we both know think I broke up with him out of boredom. He was my highschool classmate, my prom date, my debut escort and my college dormmate.

     Boredom? Ofcourse I got bored with seeing him temper flare up whenever we argued about something. I got bored with wearing long-sleeved blouses under the heat of the sun to hide bruises  on my arms. I got bored with lying to people when they asked where I got a cut or a bruises on my face. I got bored talking to myself while crying. I got bored with hearing him say Im sorry so many times.

      He did not beat me up during the whole 5 years we were on. It took 3 years before the monster in him took over, and that was after we got married.

      He also didnt hurt for the whole 9 months that I was pregnant with our son. He promised not to do it again but the almost 1 year of our married life were just broken promises. I received the worst birthday present in the form of a slap. I became familiar with the salty taste of blood in my mouth. I saw the world spin while my head hit the wall in a slow, rhytmic motion. I tasted shampoo in my mouth and frothed like a mad dog.

     I cannot forget that fateful night which made me realize to walk away from him forever. I had told him that I needed some space to sort my confused feelings. What came next was the sharp sensation of a fist slamming to my upper arm and face. Every trace of my tender feelings toward him vanished in an instant. My anger burst in a river of fears. I was confused no more.

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FPR 2008 [08 Jan 2008|01:13pm]


The Florida Poly Retreat (FPR) is a regional level polyamory retreat/conference started in 2003 organized by the polyamory communities of Florida.   This year, FPR will be held on March 27-30. 

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National Transgender Day of Remembrance 2007 List of the Dead [19 Nov 2007|07:22pm]

I apologize to those who have complained about my lack of lj-cut's. Occasionally, I feel the abuse to ya'll's friends pages warranted. This is one of those times. Other times, I'm just a rude idiot. This is not one of those times. Please forgive me.

Many or most of you probably already know this, but tomorrow, November
20, is the National (in the U.S.) Transgender Day of Remembrance, a day
chosen in remembrance of a transwoman who was killed (Rita Hester) in
order for us all to remember those throughout the year who have been
killed or died because of their gender identity or presentation.

Every year, I post the list of that year's dead, that their names might
be known, where possible, and they might be remembered, even if for
just one day. The Greco-Romans believed that immortality was to be found
in the memory of those still living and this was why they considered a
braggart nature a heroic virtue. Let us thus remember these victims,
who have historically suffered great mutilations in the course of their
murder, as if their killers were trying to erase them from the
photograph of existence.

All the victims from all years past may be found on

After the list of the dead follows the details of the San Jose Day of
Remembbrance which I will be attending. If you live in the area of
Silicon Valley, please come. If not, I beg of you to find out where and
when the nearest remembrance is. Many of the dead were alone when they
died, and many believed they would always be alone even while they
lived. Let not their loneliness continue into the chill after death. Let
them be warmed by the fire of our tears, our thoughts, and our prayers.

Whichever of the alphabet soup you are (LGBTQQIA -- Lesbian, Gay,
Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Queer, Intersex, or Ally -- the last
meaning "we invite straight, cisgendered (non-trans) folk too"), please do
this for them.

Lacking a specific formula as yet, I merely call upon the mup gods to
look, read, and remember:
Hermaphroditus, look at the names of the dead.
Ardhanarisvara, read the names of the dead.
Melek Ta'us, remember the names of the dead.
Eris, look at the names of the dead.
Antinous, read the names of the dead.
Hoor-paar-kraat, remember the names of the dead.
Tlazolteotl, look at the names of the dead.
Azathoth, look at the names of the dead.
Pomba-Gira, read the names of the dead.
Inanna, remember the names of the dead.

List of murdered trans people from Nov. 2006 to Nov. 2007.
For more info see:

www.rememberingourd ead.org/day
============ ========= ========= ========= ==
Nakia Ladelle Baker
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Age: 31 yrs. old
Cause of Death: trauma to the head
Date of Death: January 7, 2007

Hasan Sabeh
Location: Baghdad, Iraq
Age: 34 yrs. old
Cause of death: Stripped and shot dead by an Islamist death squad
Date of death: January 11, 2007

Keittirat Longnawa
Location: Rassada, Thailand
Age: ?
Cause of Death: Beaten by 9 Youths and then they slit her throat
Date of Death: January 31, 2007

Tatiana (Aldomiro Gomes)
Location: Trani, Italy
Age: 57
Cause of Death: Her skull was bashed in, in the middle of the street
Her head was slammed in a car door.
Date of Death: February 18, 2007

Moira Donaire
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
Age: 30 yrs. Old
Cause of Death: Stabbed 5 times by a street vendor
Date of Death: March 5, 2007

Michelle Carrasco "Chela"
Location: Santiago, Chile
Age: 54 Yrs. Old
Cause of Death: She was found in a pit with her face completely
Date of Death: March 16, 2007

Ruby Rodriguez
Location: San Francisco, California
Age: 27 Yrs. Old
Cause of Death: She had been strangled and was found naked in the
Date of Death: March 16, 2007

Erica Keel
Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Age: 21 Yrs. Old
Cause of Death: A car repeatedly struck her
Date of Death: March 23, 2007

Bret T. Turner
Location: Madison, Wisconsin
Age: 48 Yrs. Old
Cause of Death: Multiple stab wounds
Date of Death: April 2, 2007

Manuela Di Cesare
Location: Pescara, Italy
Age: 37
Cause of Death: Head smashed by unknown object.
Date of Death: April 21, 2007

Unidentified Male Clad in Female Attire
Location: Kingston, Jamaica
Age: ?
Cause of Death: Gunshot wounds to the chest and lower back
Date of Death: July 7, 2007

Victoria Arellano
Location: San Pedro, California
Age: ?
Cause of Death: She was denied necessary medications to treat
HIV-related side effects.
Date of Death: July 20, 2007

Oscar Mosqueda
Location: Daytona Beach, Florida
Age: ?
Cause of Death: Shot to death
Date of Death: July 29, 2007

Stefania (no found second name)
Location: Roma, Italy
Age: 35
Cause of Death: Violently beaten with skull bashed in.
Date of Death: August 1, 2007

Maribelle Reyes
Location: Houston, Texas
Age: ?
Cause of Death: AIDS; Reyes was turned away from several treatment
centers due to her transgender status.
Date of Death: August 30, 2007

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


The DeFrank Center Ballroom
938 The Alameda San Jose CA

The evening will focus on highlighting the substantial progress made in
understanding and protecting transgender people.

Speaking at the event will be Aejaie Sellers, Executive Director of the
Billy DeFrank LGBT Community Center, Danielle Castro of
TransPowerment, Shelly Prevost, Director of the powerful film "Trained in the way of
men", Reverend Sky Anderson of the San Jose Metropolitan Community
Church and Sylvia Guerrero, The mother of Gwen Araujo.

The evening will conclude with a reading of names for those who lost
their lives due to hate crimes this past year.

For more details please go to: www.reelfreedom.com/DOR_info_2007.htm
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Decadence Inc on WoW [05 Dec 2006|01:47am]

Decadence Inc,, the only Bi Poly Pagan Geek Guild on World of Warcraft, is actively recruiting Bi Poly Pagan Geeks and allies. We have both Alliance and Horde branches on seperate servers. Decadence Inc is a family style guild. We have a Ventrilo server, a RPGO web site and an LJ. All training is covered, skill up mats are provided, and new characters coddled. Guild meetings are every other Sunday and consist of a lot of flirting, twinking and naked dancing. Yes, we're an adult, no drama, high fun guild.

Our Alliance characters are on Uldaman, a fairly new, low population server. We've even had folks transfer in. Transfers get a 5 gold for every 10 levels bounty. Levels go from 1 to 42 currently.

Our Horde are on Cenarion Circle, a high population server, but other than an occassional minute or so wait to get on, no one has had any trouble there. Still brand new, we go from levels 1-19.

So if you'd like to play with other Bi Poly Pagan Geeks, be treated as family, with no phobic comments, just come to Uldaman or Cenerion Circle and type /who decadence and ask for a guild invite.

Looking forward to playing with you,

AKA Telleride the Twink Fairy and Tellerade the Twink Troll

PS: WoW is down for patching until 1pm PST Tuesday 12/5, so don't try to join until after that.

xposted to many bi and poly LJs and mailing lists. Please do NOT repost. If you know of an LJ, yahoogroup, or other list, or site, that might have BPPG WoW players, please post it here and I'll check it out. This is to keep repeats to a minimum. Thank you.
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Brief Intro [21 Nov 2006|03:59pm]

Hello! I'm new to the group and wanted to say my greetings. I am a bi poly by birth, currently monogamous by choice. Been in poly relationships before, would like to be again but my b/f has differing views which I respect. I'm always interested in meeting and having intelligible dicussions with like-minded induviduals. :) Just wanted to throw my $0.02 in...
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Poly Project [13 Nov 2006|12:27am]

I have mentioned my polyamory project on my personal LJ a few times but instead of being able to meet with all the people who have volunteered to be interviewed, I have created an online survey. This means strangers can fill it out, too! It eases the process for me, since it will track the data anonymously, and I think it will be easier on those who wish to participate because it is anonymous and doesn't have to be done in person. I hope that my questions are useful and inoffensive. Please do not answer any that cross your boundaries, of course. Also, feel free to hand this around to anyone who is poly friendly- or not, I suppose, as their input is also valuable when painting a picture of the discrimination that polyamorous people face.

Just to make the purpose of this clear: I am going to be doing a presentation in my Culture and Identity class on 12/12 to a room full of future psychotherapists, and I am hoping that I can increase their awareness and support for the poly community in receiving services and advocacy.

Click here to take the survey. Thank you!

Note: there are 2 pages, the next button is at the bottom. the second section is really the more important one (meant for non-poly people too), but does take more time and is more personal. many thanks!

I'm noticing that many people are skipping the essay questions. is it just too much? should i try and make them multiple choice somehow? any ideas?
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New Community [19 Oct 2006|01:59pm]

Hi everyone,

I know this is not the primary focus of the community but I thought there might be some people interested in a new lj group... I have started a new community with the hopes of fostering connections between individuals who live, want to live or identify with a D/s lifestyle. Poeple will specific kinks like bondage, fireplay, etc, who nonetheless also have a strong interest in power exchange relationships as opposed to just scening with a power dynamic are encouraged to join. The community is called "powercommitment", the blurb is below, and I would love for you to join and/or forward info to people as appropriate.



This community is meant for people who are interested in D/s relationships beyond "scening" or "kink" but as a part of their fundamental identity or intentional lifestyle. Slaves, girls, boys, bois, Masters, Dominants, Daddy's, Mommy's, and any others who live (or wish to live) any manifestation of power-exchange in their lives are welcome to join. My hope is that those who join will be able to network with each other, finding support and companionship from others in their regions who try to live similarly. Also, the group is a forum for discussions about the rewards and challengings of living a D/s relationship. Topics could include negotiating contracts, 24-7 vs. limited relationships, polyamory in D/s relationships, commitment issues, mutual repsonsibility, discipline and punishment, spirituality of D/s, independence and personal space in D/s, or anything else that people want to talk about.
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Butch/Femme/Trans Social Club of Melbourne [10 Jul 2006|04:57pm]


Hi there LJers

Please excuse the cross-posting (again), but I'm sure that some folks in this community (and their friends) will be interested in this, so.... I'm helping some friends get a new Butch-Femme social group going. Read about us, tell your friends, email the promo on, and come along!


The Butch/Femme/Trans Social Club of Melbourne



To the butches, femmes and transfolk of Melbourne, where are you? It's time to meet up and socialise. It's time for Melbourne to become Australia's capital of butch/femme/trans socialising. We're organising an event (hopefully the first of many) and you're all invited.

Sunday 6 August, 1pm
150-156 Gertrude St (cnr. Gertrude & Napier Sts)

We welcome anyone with a connection to butch/femme/trans identities and dynamics. Come and have lunch with us.

If you've got any queries, please contact Tara via email (subtle_femme@yahoo.com) or phone (0402 280 383). If you could RSVP (by Thursday 3 August), that would also be helpful.

Hope to see you there...

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QUEER INK writing group - come join us! [06 Jul 2006|02:22pm]

please excuse the cross-posting, but I thought members might be interested in this (or know folks who might be) - please pass it on!

Queer Ink

a new writing group for queers

Queer? Do you write, or are you interested in writing? Would you like to talk with other people who write? Would you like to get together with others who understand what it’s like to struggle with writer’s block, and who want to know how to get published (like you)? Would you like help with critiquing your work and exploring your writing?


Queer Ink is a new writing group for queers who like to write, whether you call yourself a writer or not. We welcome anyone who identifies as queer and writes. We welcome folks of any gender or sexuality.


Interested? Check us out!

Come join us on the web at

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[19 Jun 2006|04:48pm]

[ mood | bored ]

Hey I'm new to the community, and just thought I'd let you all in on a little of my story. I'm a 22 "bisexual dyke". I have a girlfriend that is into the poly scene. After 5 months of monogamy, I agreed to try an open relationship. So far we haven't had sex with anyone else but we've made out with plenty of other girls. Even in front of eachother. I really don't know how to react to this stuff. It's all new to me, and I've always been in really jealous relationships. She gets jealous, but it seems to turn her on. No doubt I enjoy watching her with another girl, but the jealousy is there with me as well. So if anyone has any advise on these kind of relationships, I'd really appreciate some. Just pointers on how to make it work. I love her and want everything to work out between us.

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[07 Apr 2006|01:30pm]
I've never posted here, so I thought I'd post an intro.

I'm 26 years old, 27 next week... I have kids, I've been married and gotten divorced, I have a boyfriend. I'm from Michigan, lived in different parts of Virginia and find myself in Knoxville, TN now.

For the longest time I was a married, bi-curious girl. I didn't admit my curiosity because I grew up being taught that it was bad, wrong, and evil. When I was about 21 I started admitting my curiosity and left my husband. When I was 23 I actually tried it and liked it! I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. I love him and am still attracted to him, but I find myself more attracted to other women than men. I don't look at men and think, "he's hot." I do, however, look at women and find myself interested. If I weren't with my boyfriend, I don't think I would be with another guy.

The poly comes in because I do not believe that a person can ONLY love one person. I think that with honesty and integrity a person can have multiple loves and none of the relationships are damaged because of this. I am hoping that I'm one day able to find a woman that accepts that I have a boyfriend, but can love her just the same.
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primary/secondary vs. other poly models [11 Nov 2005|11:22am]

I am curious to hear other people's thoughts on the relative merits of the primary/secondary model for polyamorous relationships, maybe not so much in terms of whether this is a "good" model in general terms, but whether it works for you personally, and why or why not. If you don't use this model but describe your relationships in other terms, what are they and why are those terms more comfortable for you?

I was thinking about this recently while listening to a group of poly people who used the terms in ways that made me realize that I don't mean the same things by them that they seem to mean, so that prompted me to question whether or not these terms work for me. I've written a longer reflection on this question in my personal LJ (click here for the entry), but thought it would be interesting to discuss with other poly people besides those already on my friends list.

X-posted to polyamorous and polyamory
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update on journey from lesbian to bi [19 Sep 2005|11:57am]

It's now been a couple of months since I initiated the thread below, about going from lesbian to bi, and I thought I'd pop in with an update. Where several months ago the idea of getting involved with a man was mere speculation, I now find myself in one local relationship with a man, with the possibility for more long distance relationships with other men. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the concept of being with a man, after having so actively identified as a lesbian for so long, but I'm also trying to just enjoy it rather than put a label on it.

I've written a bit more in my journal about "how I became guy curious," if that topic is of interest to any of you reading here (it is very much related to the topic of polyamory). I'd also like to write more about this process of evolving into a different kind of person than who I imagined myself to be, through the options that poly has made available to me, but need to find some time to spare in between keeping up with all these new connections!
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Time to let it all out... [12 Sep 2005|02:58pm]

[ mood | curious ]

I just joined this community and I seem to be at a loss for words. So out the window with my witty introduction. To give a few simple stats I am a twenty three year old bio female(genderqueer at heart) that lives in Oak Park Illinois. I have been in a relationship for two years with a woman and I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am poly. After seven years of living as a monogamous lesbian it shocked even me. First dealing with the feelings of being genderqueer followed by the undeniable need to express my love for other people outside of my partner. In the course of our relationship we have talked about my needs in regard to this many times. She maintains the fact that she doesn't need to be poly to be with me. I understand it but at the same time I feel a certain amount of guilt. I am aware that the guilt stems from me and therefore is my issue.I am just wondering if there are any tips for diminishing this feeling?

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from lesbian to bi? [22 Jul 2005|08:16pm]

I just posted this on another (non LJ) forum and thought I'd post it over here as well, since there hasn't much conversation lately, it seems. I'm new to L J, however, so this topic may have come up before.

I am curious to hear from women who have identified as a lesbian for a significant portion of their adult lives, and then came out as bisexual. What was the process like for you and what would you do differently, if anything, if you could do it again? What were the biggest obstacles for you?

This is a process I think I'm on, but I can only be on it because Read more...Collapse )
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Hey [22 Jun 2005|08:36pm]

[ mood | awake ]

I'm just posting to introduce myself.
My name's LeAnn.
I live in Northern California - really, in hell.
I am currently in love with two women - niether of which is polyamorous, so it makes it very hard for me, because I had to choose...you know? So one's my gf, and the other is my best friend, who I happen to be in love with and who happens to love me.
So the thing is is that I can't be with both of them.... and honestly? It's killing me. To not be able to express the way I love? It hurts.
But I can't let either of them go... it's not time yet, you know?
So anyways...Hello!
I was/am REALLY glad to find this community.
My own journal is friends only so comment in it if you want to get to know me.


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[19 Jun 2005|12:53pm]


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