Wordy Girl (wordygirl) wrote in poly_grrls,
Wordy Girl

from lesbian to bi?

I just posted this on another (non LJ) forum and thought I'd post it over here as well, since there hasn't much conversation lately, it seems. I'm new to L J, however, so this topic may have come up before.

I am curious to hear from women who have identified as a lesbian for a significant portion of their adult lives, and then came out as bisexual. What was the process like for you and what would you do differently, if anything, if you could do it again? What were the biggest obstacles for you?

This is a process I think I'm on, but I can only be on it because I also identify as poly, by which I mean that I have never had and do not currently have any interest in having a conventional relationship with a man. I've never wanted to be married and I've never wanted to be perceived by society as "normal" in that regard.

If I were mono, I think the idea of being open to new connections with a man would never cross my mind, because I just don't want to live that kind of life (even though I recognize that there are plenty of male/female marriages that are unconventional). I just don't want a long term, settle down kind of life with a guy; I prefer my primary relationship to be with another woman, even if it's non sexual.

But I'm increasingly interested in pursuing friendships and "who knows what else" with the right kind of men, and yet I'm having some anxiety about the whole "so am I still a lesbian?" thing. I never really felt embraced by the lesbian community to begin with, even though I strongly identify with it, but now I worry that this is just one more reason that they'll say "see, you were never one of us!" I guess "worry" is not the right word, b/c I don't really care what they think, but I dislike the idea that I would just be confirming stereotypes.

So... I'm interested in hearing if anyone else has had a similar experience in terms of going from lesbian to poly.
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